


I Wanna Hold You High and Steal Your Pain Away

by redkislington



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Character Death, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-13
Updated: 2012-06-13
Packaged: 2017-11-07 15:22:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,358
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/432615
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redkislington/pseuds/redkislington
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a series of events one after another that lead to Stiles standing at the cliff, watching the water below. It's Derek coming to save him in more ways than one that he didn't expect.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Wanna Hold You High and Steal Your Pain Away

 

The feel of cold, damp air hit his face, making a shiver spike down Stiles' spine, like daggers of ice cutting over every bump and rise. He gasped, sucking in the salt-water mist, before he took a step forward, and he felt himself tip forward.  


  
Just before he was too far, before his body was far enough over the edge of the cliff that he could see the white froth of the roaring waves beneath, and the rocks like spines, sharp and jagged and tearing the ocean as powerful and angry as it was, a hand grabbed the back of his neck and yanked him back. “What the fuck are you doing?!” A familiar voice growled in his ear, and Stiles sighed.   


  
He smirked, dark and self-depreciating, but didn't speak. He... He didn't have the strength for the words he used to spout with ease, rambling for hours about nothing. He had so much to say, so much pain that he wanted out of his body, but he couldn't get himself to talk, to speak, to hear those words out of his mouth.   


  
The owner of the voice huffed. “They wouldn't want this.”   


  
Stiles' eyes stung and he glared back at Derek. Why, out of everyone, was Derek the only one left? Scott and Allison and everyone else had left, moved on from their lives. Or just left because Stiles was a complete wreck after losing his dad.   


  
The tears spilled over, and he bit hard into his lip, enough to break through the already tooth-mangled flesh. Stiles had already lost his mom when he was younger, small, a car ride turned so terribly wrong. His mom gone and Stiles only coming out with a headache and a couple scratches. And all he had left was his dad, and then he was gone, too, in a shoot out. Seeing the officer coming up the walkway without his dad and he knew, he was alone.   


  
He wanted to yell at Derek, tell him that Derek had no idea what he was talking about. He wanted to ask why Derek cared. Why did Derek stay, why was he here at all? Stiles knew Derek never particularly liked him, so why was Derek here, stopping him, instead of pushing him off, helping Stiles off the cliff to break on the rocks below?   


  
Derek sighed and pulled Stiles into him, strong arms wrapping around him firmly, hot like the shimmering summer air on the day that they'd all gone. Stiles broke, sobbing into Derek's chest, and he expected that he'd be shoved away, a low growl vibrating through the older man's chest, but Derek just held him, not saying a thing, brushing a hand up and down Stiles' back.   


  
“I don't have anyone...” Stiles croaked, his voice broken and wobbling from disuse and his painful sobs. “Everyone I ever had, that I ever cared about is gone...” His cracked voice crumbled completely on a sob. “I'm all alone... What point is there anymore?”   


  
Derek scratched his blunt nails over Stiles' scalp, making a soft growling noise deep in his throat that was strangely soothing, then shook his head. “You're not alone.”  _I'm here_  was left unsaid, but... Stiles felt it, the unspoken words reverberating in his chest like a struck string under too much tension, seconds away from snapping. He didn't want to, he didn't want to trust Derek, to care about him, he never wanted to, but now, especially...  


  
He does, though, did. Always had. But he was terrified, is. Reasons shifted from the pain and dark red smear of agony in his life like flaking, dried blood. He didn't want to trust Derek because he knew if he did he'd get hurt, whether it was from betrayal or Derek losing control of the wolf inside of him that, at the time, Stiles knew so little about, no matter how much he researched.   


  
It was still fear of that pain, but... it was for a different reason. He was terrified at the idea of Derek getting hurt like he'd seen so many times, Derek's blood spilling almost black-dark on the ground, flowing from his mouth with seemingly no end. He was terrified that... Derek wouldn't come back, wouldn't somehow make it through if he bled out on the ground, if Stiles was too late and he was filled with holes from hunters.   


  
Stiles was, is, always will be terrified of losing Derek like he lost his mom and his dad, no possible way of seeing him again. And... and if he lost Derek, he'd break - that thin, fraying string keeping him held together would snap and... the next time he'd try there'd be no one to stop him from falling into the choppy water below. He'd gladly leap, no regrets, because he'd said it before, he remembers, a bleary, drunken night with Scott. Being alone was worse. So, so much worse.   


  
Stiles tightened his hold on Derek, leather of his jacket creaking under shaking hands. “I... I can't... I can't.”   


  
And he can't, he can't trust that Derek will be there, that Derek could fill the void, keep the consuming sadness and pain and dark out. He can't. Because if he can't, Stiles is so terrified of how bad he'll break.   


  
Derek gently lifted up his head, smearing the tears from his cheeks, before kissing him and... he let down his walls. For once, his brain didn't think, didn't churn thoughts at a constant, screaming scenarios and memories and taunting him with how almost-good his life once was. He shuddered, almost wanting to wrench back, but he'd been alone for so long, sad and broken and so, so alone that... he couldn't. He couldn't pull back from Derek, he never actually had a choice. He could've taken Derek's hope and... and he couldn't say love, he, he didn't think it was love... but, whatever Derek had for him. He could take what Derek offered, or the leap into the rocks.   


  
_Want to be happy..._   


  
The stray thought flitted into his mind for more than a few seconds and he startled a little when Derek squeezed him. “I'll try.” Derek brushed a hand over Stiles cheek, looking sad and just as scared as him. “I don't want...” He trailed off, and the bit of alpha red filtered into blue-green irises, their gaze dropping to the cliff and a growl twisting out of him before he squeezed Stiles fractionally tighter. It was getting hard to breath, with how hard Derek was holding him, but it was reassuring. Derek was  _here_ . Derek wanted  _him_  here. Derek was going to hold onto him for as long as he could and anything that tried to steal Stiles away from Derek would be getting their throat torn out with Derek's teeth.  


  
Stiles smiled tightly at the memory, fond of it. Derek broke into a huge grin that Stiles had never seen before because of it, or maybe just grinning with him, to give him another fond memory. He hoped Derek would give him more. Memories that weren't tinged in the pain of having the people in them ripped from his grasp or being abandoned by them. He'd use them to bandage up the old ones, so he wouldn't be as broken, so Derek wouldn't possibly leave him, too.   


  
Derek's hands tightened on Stiles' arms. “I'm not going to leave you, no matter what.” His fierce, indescribable eyes bore into Stiles and he smiled at it. “You're not broken.” And Derek sounded furious, but he didn't make any move other than to pull the both of them up, and away from the cliff he was so ready to leap from. “You're not.”   


  
Stiles didn't argue, even if he didn't agree. He knew the fissures in his being that broke the person he was before, all starting with the crash from years ago and just building with more waves of pain that slammed into him. Instead, he just leaned into Derek, telling himself that Derek wasn't leaving even thought he didn't believe it, and closed his eyes, feeling at peace for the first time in a long, long time.   


  



End file.
